Age play is something that my husband introduced me too shortly after our year anniversary. I will admit that I wasn’t exactly open to it at first. I had a hard time understanding the interest, and honestly sometimes I still do. But, I don’t really see the point of trying to understand why the interest is there. All that really matters is if we can share the interest. I have tried my best to share this interest with my husband. We started slowly and didn’t jump into things too fast. We decided what age range we wanted to focus on. At first, and for a while, I was really apprehensive about trying anything. In the beginning, I flat out refused to be a part of it at all. After I thought about it for a while, I reminded myself that I didn’t marry part of my husband, I married all of him, and for me to not at least try to be interested in something he is isn’t fair. So I agreed to start trying things. I am glad that I took time to think about reconsidering. I think, and hope, that it makes my husband happier that I was willing to try something that interested him and now it is something that interests us. Sometimes I have a hard time telling him that I am actually interested in the things that we are doing. We work opposite schedules now so it is harder to find time to spend together that isn’t staying up until all hours of the night. But, I suppose, here is as good of a place as any to tell him that even though I was apprehensive about it, this is something that I have come to enjoy. I don’t just enjoy anymore because it is something that interests him but because it is something that interests both of us. Something I would like to try is role play. It is something that my husband has expressed interest in before and we have tried in the past but it is a hard area for me. I have been trying more to get into a mindset where I can pretend better, especially on the ageplay aspect.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Blog Assignment 2
Insecurity is something that I have always struggled with. So much so that being asked to pick only one to overcome is hard. However, I was asked to pick one lol. Something that has affected me my entire life is my fear of driving people away from me. No matter what I do I seem to lose those closest to me. It has happened so often that I fear it will always happen. I know that it affects my marriage and I have gotten a lot better. I know that he loves me and it is an unrealistic fear to have at this point. Sometimes in life there are just things that you cannot make go away. For me this is one of them. I know that often times it takes a while for wounds to heal. For me it has taken a long time for me to know that I am not unworthy of being happy. I do deserve to be loved, and I am. Often times it can be hard to explain to other people how someone, like myself, who has so many positive things in their life could think they would eventually lose everything that is near and dear to them. The closest person to me is my husband. I have never loved someone so much. Obviously love for children is a different love. My husband has changed and affected my life positively in so many ways. Though we haven’t been together as long as other couples who have been through some of the thiings that we have, I cant imagine my life without him in it. Some people would think that is stupid. But to me, that is how you know you are loved. And for me, that is how I know I am safe. I know that I don’t have to worry anymore. I know that everyone else was just the wrong person, because I needed those people to leave my life to find the one person that was supposed to come into it. I guess that’s how I overcome that insecurity.
Blog Assignment 1
Yesterday my husband asked me a tough question. “Why do you think you are submissive? What makes you feel that you’re a submissive?” I think a few months ago my answer to that question would have been different. Before we started exploring a D/s relationship, I only knew that I wanted to be more submissive. Now I almost feel like it is something I can’t do without. It may not be the right answer to the question for others but for me, what makes me submissive is my love for my husband. I don’t think that I could be this way with anyone else. Now I find myself hanging on every moment… waiting for what he would like next. I enjoy doing things for him, no matter what it is. I anticipate when he will have something special waiting for me to do or send me a message at some point during the day with instructions for a task. Just the thought of him having something specific for me and no one else in the world gives me a feeling that I am not sure I can honestly describe. It makes me feel special. I know that no one else will ever share this type of relationship with him. I know that no one else has ever been this connected to him. I feel more submissive to him just wanting to be submissive to him. The D/s addition to our relationship has brought us closer. I think we are seeing parts of each other that we may have never seen otherwise. It seems like we are more connected to each other and that we will only become more connected to each other. I am thankful we have gotten this close. I am thankful that I have found someone to devote myself too completely and entirely.
New Journey
As M and I have started our journey down the LDD and D/s road, we have basically hovered around the basics of it all. Over the next several days, we will be entering into a semi boot camp mode in an effort to push ourselves to where we would like to be. We will be posting things here as a result of it. Hopefully our readers can gain some new knowledge based off of our experiences.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Starting over
My husband and I decided to revamp our rules. We wanted them to be more specific to eliminate "gray" areas that were causing confusion between us. So here are our rules as of a few weeks ago. They are working well so far :)
1. No spending from the checking account of any kind without prior discussion or permission. (Normal household purchases are acceptable)
2. You are allowed one punishment deferral a week. But you must clearly state that you are using it and why you are choosing to use it.
3. Your punishments must be completed as discussed, if you disagree or dislike a certain portion of the punishment and don't state such before your punishment is started, you must wait until after to discuss it.
4. A bedtime curfew of 9:45 is effect, unless with me or with my approval. You are not required to be asleep, just ready for bed, and in bed. (cranky kids are a valid reason to break curfew.)
5. Make sure work clothes are laid out for both you and me every night before bed.
6. You will make a weekly blog entry, if you can't decide on one, I'll give you one to write about when you ask for it.
7. P has the final say and authority on any subject we can’t agree on.
8. Do not argue or talk back, I will attempt to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I will explain why I assign punishment on this rule if you have questions. Either way I will follow thru with the punishment and it should serve as a learning point for both of us.
9. Make sure not to have to be told twice to do something or not do something. If you have questions and don't ask them, that won't be an acceptable reason to defer punishment.
10. Make sure to not have to be reminded about any assigned tasks.
11. You will tell me about any abnormal happenings.
12. No cursing under any circumstances.
13. Knee length nightgowns/shirts or pre-approved outfits are to be worn to bed. Underwear is to be the only lower half garment worn.
14. Help will be gladly given as long as You ask.
15. You must keep your grades above a C.
16. If you disagree or would like to discuss an issue, you will ask politely "honey, I have something I'd like to talk about" if I say no, you must wait 30-45 minutes before asking again. I will not say no the second time.
17. At restaurants, I will order for you (you tell me, i order) unless I tell you otherwise.
18. No texting and driving. Bluetooth phone conversations are okay. We will have plenty of time to talk to each other.
19. No work related texting/calls after 7:30 pm unless it is a true serious emergency. Everything else can wait until morning. At 7:30 it's family only time.
20. If I give you a task, a chore, or situation that you feel you don't want to do (and you haven't tried it yet and it's not on your hard limit list) you must try it (not just for minutes) before talking to me about why/what you didn't like.
21. Lunch will be made for all required parties before curfew.
Housework rules - Help will be gladly given as long as you ask.
1. You will do one load of laundry a day. You will wash it prior to leaving in the morning, dry and fold it in the evening before starting on homework.
2. You will ask for help doing the dishes (empty and fill/start) everyday. (while I'm on nights, if you start the dishwasher before bed, I'll put it away on the morning.)
3. You will vacuum/sweep once a week.
4. You will not assist in outdoor chores unless specifically asked. You may attend to me (water, company, etc) but you will not help.
5. Outside of these rules and basic "children directed housework" you will not clean or attack (OCD clean) our house without my permission.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
1. No spending from the checking account of any kind without prior discussion or permission. (Normal household purchases are acceptable)
2. You are allowed one punishment deferral a week. But you must clearly state that you are using it and why you are choosing to use it.
3. Your punishments must be completed as discussed, if you disagree or dislike a certain portion of the punishment and don't state such before your punishment is started, you must wait until after to discuss it.
4. A bedtime curfew of 9:45 is effect, unless with me or with my approval. You are not required to be asleep, just ready for bed, and in bed. (cranky kids are a valid reason to break curfew.)
5. Make sure work clothes are laid out for both you and me every night before bed.
6. You will make a weekly blog entry, if you can't decide on one, I'll give you one to write about when you ask for it.
7. P has the final say and authority on any subject we can’t agree on.
8. Do not argue or talk back, I will attempt to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I will explain why I assign punishment on this rule if you have questions. Either way I will follow thru with the punishment and it should serve as a learning point for both of us.
9. Make sure not to have to be told twice to do something or not do something. If you have questions and don't ask them, that won't be an acceptable reason to defer punishment.
10. Make sure to not have to be reminded about any assigned tasks.
11. You will tell me about any abnormal happenings.
12. No cursing under any circumstances.
13. Knee length nightgowns/shirts or pre-approved outfits are to be worn to bed. Underwear is to be the only lower half garment worn.
14. Help will be gladly given as long as You ask.
15. You must keep your grades above a C.
16. If you disagree or would like to discuss an issue, you will ask politely "honey, I have something I'd like to talk about" if I say no, you must wait 30-45 minutes before asking again. I will not say no the second time.
17. At restaurants, I will order for you (you tell me, i order) unless I tell you otherwise.
18. No texting and driving. Bluetooth phone conversations are okay. We will have plenty of time to talk to each other.
19. No work related texting/calls after 7:30 pm unless it is a true serious emergency. Everything else can wait until morning. At 7:30 it's family only time.
20. If I give you a task, a chore, or situation that you feel you don't want to do (and you haven't tried it yet and it's not on your hard limit list) you must try it (not just for minutes) before talking to me about why/what you didn't like.
21. Lunch will be made for all required parties before curfew.
Housework rules - Help will be gladly given as long as you ask.
1. You will do one load of laundry a day. You will wash it prior to leaving in the morning, dry and fold it in the evening before starting on homework.
2. You will ask for help doing the dishes (empty and fill/start) everyday. (while I'm on nights, if you start the dishwasher before bed, I'll put it away on the morning.)
3. You will vacuum/sweep once a week.
4. You will not assist in outdoor chores unless specifically asked. You may attend to me (water, company, etc) but you will not help.
5. Outside of these rules and basic "children directed housework" you will not clean or attack (OCD clean) our house without my permission.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, August 29, 2011
In a rutt
I am still having a hard time learning to be submissive in some areas. I read a blog that explained how I was feeling almost exactly. "no matter how much they want to be a submissive, you are both fighting a lifetime of social norms and millenia of cultural information. Women and men are raised to act a certain way, and this can be seen throughout history." I feel like this is so true. I am fighting the way I have always been. Not only as a person but as I have been in this relationship. Though, it is a change I want to make...it seems like you reach a point that you can't cross over from. Like when you are losing weight and you go a month or two without losing a pound and then voila! I just hope I make some progress soon.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)